Nice Guy vs Good guy

Many moons ago in a land far away..... I was a nice guy.  This self proclamation of 'nice guy' has become the label characterized by the overexertion to win a girl's heart.  Forcefully placing himself in the 'friend zone' to show off his excessive, and premature ability to support her every want and need.  Today I can observe this sad state of mind from outside the box, and think to myself, "Was I really that pathetic?"  In truth and honesty, I was.  I use to believe the opposite of nice guy is of course 'mean guy'.  Bad guy.  Hard ass.  Douche bag.  The jerk.  The guy that treated women like they were objects instead of people.  The guy that always seemed to get the girl.  So if you weren't the nice guy, you were the mean one.  Wasn't that the only other option?  Either be the 'good guy' or the 'bad guy'.  I continued in my 'nice guy' ways until I finally saw the bigger picture. 

      Being a 'good guy' is completely different then being the 'nice guy'.  In fact, the opposite of nice guy IS 'GOOD GUY'.  Being nice isn't necessarily 'good'.

                       Here's my explanation.

It's all about the motives of the heart.  Who are you?  What do you want?  Why do you want it?  What are you willing to do to get it?  As a former 'nice guy', I know first hand the amount of effort it can require to showing a girl how much I was interested in her.  It was all about me.  I would open up so much of myself that her head would begin to explode, and eventually it became too much.  Shining so much light on myself is like a mental megaphone in her brain making her run for safety.  My desire for her was based on selfishness, and I was willing to do anything I could do to manipulate her to get what I wanted.  Even if that meant being the 'super nice guy'.  Honestly, the nice guy is a mental rapist violating her mind with special attention.

We all have wants and needs at different levels of life.  Mind the difference between the two.  Want is a desire that will enhance life and provide satisfaction whether long term or short term.  NEED is completely different.  We need the basics.  Water, air, food, clothes, shelter.  Things we need are things required for physical survival.  The NICE guy usually gets these confused and doesn't know what he needs or wants.  It's just a blurr.  I've been there.  I know.  What causes this?  Wishful thinking.  Putting a girl on the pedestal of your heart, convincing yourself that's she's much more than what she is.  She just a girl, dude.  Guess what.  Girls poop, too.  As well as wipe their butt.  Not so infatuating anymore, eh?

Don't get me wrong.  I love women.  They deserve to be respected, loved, and cherished.  Open their door for them, pull out their chairs, hold their hand, twirl and dance with them.  Listen to them intently.  Treat every woman like a princess, because one will eventually become your Queen.

The one thing that separates the nice guys from the good guys, or the boys from the men, is the condition of their heart.  As young children we are the center of the universe.  We didn't know what or who else was out there except for what we could congnitively gather.  We carry very little knowledge about anything besides what we see, hear, or touch.  As we grow older, we grow a little bit wiser.  As a grown man I've realized that I am no longer the center of the universe.  When you see others the way you use to see yourself, when you begin to see their needs as clear as your own, your attitude begins to change.  Maturity sets in.  You become a little bit more content.

 Being the 'nice guy' places a manipulative pressure on the girl's shoulders.....not nice at all.  The one way you can pick a 'nice guy' out of the crowd is by their reaction to rejection.  Stomping their feet, running away, becoming depressed or angry because he lost the game he never had a right to play.  Boohoo.  Dear nice guy, there is one word that sums up the difference between you and the actual 'good guy'.  SINCERITY

Slap in the face.  Listen, nice guys.  If you have to whine and act like a little whimp because you didn't 'get the girl' only makes you look dumb.  Your  excessive attempt at winning her over with your so-called 'niceness' was in vain.  You might as well just lay on the ground and literally allow her to walk all over you and assume it's not going to hurt.  If you're looking to gain some sort of validation by an act of kindness, than it's not really kindness in it's purest form.  There's a line between selfish and selfless. 
You may say, "But I open the door for her, I buy her drinks, I send her flowers..." 
Okay, that's great.  Good guys do that, too.  Good guys LOVE spoiling the nonsense out of his date.  The difference between the nice guy and the good guy is motive.  Did the nice guy actually WANT to do those things?  Or did they feel like they had to in order to impress her?  As the good guy, I WANT to be chivalrous and expect nothing in return.  That's the difference.  I want to put a smile on a girl's face because it's the right thing to do.  Your expectation should turn from selfish to selfless.  You'll find a lot more contentment by thinking, "What can I do to make this person happy right now?" rather than "What can I do for this person right now to make me happy later?"

Some nice guys would go as far as proclaiming their unending love for said girl. 

I've been in love.  I'm a self proclaimed hopeless romantic.  I believe in random acts of kindness for a girl I'm interested in just for the enjoyment of her smile.  I also understand the most undeniable characteristic of love.  Selflessness.  Understand her standard of desire is also just as much (if not more) important than yours. 

An article written by a man named Newton Fortuin wrote the best quote ever, "Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss."  BRILLIANT.  If you love a girl, it's okay to persue her!  Tell her how you feel!  If she rejects you, it's for her best interest, not yours.  You should be okay with that.  Cultivate her by giving her what she needs.  Which is probably space.  A lot of nice guys can be quite clingy.  I know I was.

The good guy works like this.  He puts others before himself, especially when it comes to the people he truly loves.  Family, friends, even enemies.  I know PLENTY of girls I've emotionally invested myself into.  Several of them I moped over for months.  What a waste of time!  I believe in heartache.  Last time I actually fell in love it took me a year to let it go.  Because I was the nice guy.  I felt as though I deserved something back for my investment. 

Another way to contrast 'nice guys' from 'good guys' is the initial reaction to rejection.  Nice guys are emotionally exhausted, and they easily become depressed.  Why are they exhausted?  Because they tried too hard.  Sure, I've had high hopes for a lady and became disappointed.  I've ask girls out on dates and sometimes they say yes, sometimes they say no.  Every now and then, depending on the girl and the circumstance, I can become disappointed because I hoped for better.  Nevertheless, I've already recieved validation in who I am.  Just because I wanted to take a nice girl on a date doesn't mean I needed to date her.  Life can be just as good without.

Conclusion:  Stop exhausting yourself by trying too hard.  There's more to life then the girl (or guy) that you can't stop thinking about.  I know I've really aimed this article at the 'nice guys' of the world, but this can also apply to women, as well.  Just because you're being 'nice' doesn't make you the best choices for that individual.  Just because you've put yourself into the 'friend zone' doesn't make you the best choice to date.  In fact, I think I just discovered the next chapter of my blog.  The infamous 'friend zone' and what I think of it.  Until then, stop being nice and just start being good.