Holy Smokes! It's been over a month since I've posted! The catalyst that really got me thinking, hence writing, was the moment in which a young married couple walked into Starbucks just a moment ago. Now, when I say young, I'm talking Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez look-a-likes. These kids, both being very well groomed as if they belonged on the cover of a people magazine, couldn't have been much older than 21 or 22..
People that know me know that I enjoy dating. I enjoy the thrill of seeking out the future Mrs. Grant Williams. I've been compared to the real life Ted Mosby on How I Met Your Mother several times. Yes, there is a parallel. Friends and family also know that I am a very outgoing, spontaneous, and a flirtatious individual with a big heart that can usually be found on my sleeve. So....the idea of marriage is obviously something desired in my life especially at this point (but not idolized....trust me. It has importance, but not priority). When I see married young people that got to that point in life way before me, I go straight to 'why not me?' mode. As do many single individuals in their late 20's and early 30's. Now, why the human condition typically causes us to negatively compare ourselves to others and what they have and why we don't have it, I have no idea. Yet, I think deeper into the reason of why we think what we think. Make sense? I really hope so because I'm about to blow your mind with perspective.
So here I am, looking at the couple. Although very celebrity like in appearance and walking out with their Caramel Frappe's, they get an A+ for external presentation. Then I noticed something. They get into an old, beat up Isuzu that looked like it could have been a hand-me-down from a parent. I don't really have any idea who these people are by just seeing them once. In fact, while the young, married man was waiting for his coffee I couldn't help but notice that we had exchanged glances in the middle of his young brides embrace. <----poetic, I know. As he looked at me, and I looked at him, two different thought processes were going on.
This kid could have been thinking. "Look at that guy on his computer. 30 years old, still single, free to do what he wants. Not a care in the world. He has 10 more years of independence that I'll never get."
I'm looking at him thinking, "Wow....that guy found his soul mate so young. Why not me? What's wrong with me!?"
Now, I love the fact that these two were married and they were in love, very much so. Eros love is a love that is erotic. Unpredictable, beautiful, poetically selfish. However, as I mentioned before, the human condition is so apt to leave us feeling like we're the 'victim' in comparison to others. Married men could look at me jealously as I view them. As human beings, we're so quick to want what we can't get, or what we don't have. This can be very self-defeating. Change it up! There's nothing wrong with you. You lack nothing.
Be happy with what you've got! Self modification shouldn't be motivated by being depressed. It should be in response to the desire to being even better than the good that you are now. This is my wish, my prayer to God, don't give me what I want until I become content with what I have!
All in all I do feel content in my singleness. Do I desire a romantic relationship? Of course I do! I'm wired to want someone, to desire love, to want to have someone. We're not designed to be alone. For the people that never want to get married but want to stay single for life, good on them. As for me, I will have a wife some day. And it'll be awesome. Until that happens, life is STILL awesome, and I can't help but smile at that. All in all, be happy with what you've got. Independence, love, God, friends, family, community.
It's all there, embrace it. Your mind has been blown with perspective.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
A Letter From Jesus....
Dear Grant,
I've noticed that you've followed my voice and moved to Illinois. About time. You like how I set that whole thing up? I know you more than you know yourself, and I knew you wouldn't want to take pictures of screaming babies all day. You would have gone crazy. I also know how much drive and motivation you have because I designed it that way for you. Don't sell yourself so short, you are worth more than you think.
I am SO glad that I can call you mine, and that you can hear me as if I'm physically standing next to you. I am well pleased with your willingness to learn from and obey that whisper when I'm speaking. Not only through historical scripture and stories I've told, but you hear me and notice my favor for your life through everything around you. Whether it be shooting stars, or a certain song on the radio, or a sunset, or a father loving their child in a coffee shop. Your belief in me has made you well, and that's where your life lies. In me. You have everything you need because I gladly give to you. You lack nothing.
The purpose of this letter is to validate that you're no longer a child, Grant. You are a grown man. Not just any man, but a man who has experienced, seen, and heard of a love that is far more stronger than anything else in existence. Every time you tried to walk away in the past for whatever silly reason, I found you again. I'm bigger than your behavior, I'm bigger than your opinions of yourself, and I'm bigger than the people who have hurt you. I've softened your heart in discipline and put you over my shoulders, and carried you back home. I'd do it over and over again. Don't bother thanking me for giving you a second chance, because you never lost the first one to begin with. I love you, relentlessly. Now live like it's true.
You can live by being free. Free from consolidating me into this little box of theology. Free from the resentment of other congregations because of how they treated you. I love them the same as you. Stop being angry, it's over. Now that a great truth of my love for you has been revealed does not give you license to act so childish and without discretion. Be slow to speak, and quick to listen. You have a filter, Grant. I gave you one.
Set yourself apart from the religious meander and begin to love people! Heal the sick, feed the hungry, help the poor! What are you doing? Making my Grace into another law? Into another religion? You're making yourself into something neither of us can stand. Self righteous. I'm not a philosophy, Grant. I'm your King. I'm your light that shines through you. No more arguing, no more causing dissension. Find me one believer that I love less than you because you can't find common ground on silly things like Bible verses and context. If anyone believes in me, they will hear My voice just like you have. They may hear a different roar but it's definitely the same Lion. You don't have to scream about me because all I have to do is whisper. My love will be shown through your love. My heart will be shown through your heart. My voice will be heard and the best part about it is you don't even have to try. It's already done in your actions. Be yourself, because that's who I am in you. Now that you're a new creation, and the old really is gone, do what is natural for you. Whether it be feeding that man with a cardboard sign on the corner of the street. Or praying over that lady sitting in her car crying because her husband hit her. You do these things because that's who you are in Me.
So play nice, especially with you brothers and sisters. Stop arguing. You are because I am. Nothing more, nothing less. Now go be awesome.
Jesus
I've noticed that you've followed my voice and moved to Illinois. About time. You like how I set that whole thing up? I know you more than you know yourself, and I knew you wouldn't want to take pictures of screaming babies all day. You would have gone crazy. I also know how much drive and motivation you have because I designed it that way for you. Don't sell yourself so short, you are worth more than you think.
I am SO glad that I can call you mine, and that you can hear me as if I'm physically standing next to you. I am well pleased with your willingness to learn from and obey that whisper when I'm speaking. Not only through historical scripture and stories I've told, but you hear me and notice my favor for your life through everything around you. Whether it be shooting stars, or a certain song on the radio, or a sunset, or a father loving their child in a coffee shop. Your belief in me has made you well, and that's where your life lies. In me. You have everything you need because I gladly give to you. You lack nothing.
The purpose of this letter is to validate that you're no longer a child, Grant. You are a grown man. Not just any man, but a man who has experienced, seen, and heard of a love that is far more stronger than anything else in existence. Every time you tried to walk away in the past for whatever silly reason, I found you again. I'm bigger than your behavior, I'm bigger than your opinions of yourself, and I'm bigger than the people who have hurt you. I've softened your heart in discipline and put you over my shoulders, and carried you back home. I'd do it over and over again. Don't bother thanking me for giving you a second chance, because you never lost the first one to begin with. I love you, relentlessly. Now live like it's true.
You can live by being free. Free from consolidating me into this little box of theology. Free from the resentment of other congregations because of how they treated you. I love them the same as you. Stop being angry, it's over. Now that a great truth of my love for you has been revealed does not give you license to act so childish and without discretion. Be slow to speak, and quick to listen. You have a filter, Grant. I gave you one.
Set yourself apart from the religious meander and begin to love people! Heal the sick, feed the hungry, help the poor! What are you doing? Making my Grace into another law? Into another religion? You're making yourself into something neither of us can stand. Self righteous. I'm not a philosophy, Grant. I'm your King. I'm your light that shines through you. No more arguing, no more causing dissension. Find me one believer that I love less than you because you can't find common ground on silly things like Bible verses and context. If anyone believes in me, they will hear My voice just like you have. They may hear a different roar but it's definitely the same Lion. You don't have to scream about me because all I have to do is whisper. My love will be shown through your love. My heart will be shown through your heart. My voice will be heard and the best part about it is you don't even have to try. It's already done in your actions. Be yourself, because that's who I am in you. Now that you're a new creation, and the old really is gone, do what is natural for you. Whether it be feeding that man with a cardboard sign on the corner of the street. Or praying over that lady sitting in her car crying because her husband hit her. You do these things because that's who you are in Me.
So play nice, especially with you brothers and sisters. Stop arguing. You are because I am. Nothing more, nothing less. Now go be awesome.
Jesus
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Conviction of the Spirit Vs The Conviction of Legalistic Leaders Who Think You Suck
As long as the title is, it exposes the lie told to too many congregants regarding the Holy Spirit and His convictions. John 16....Check it out.
Young's Literal Version: "But I tell you the Truth; it is better that I go away, for if I don't go away the comforter will not come unto you, and if I go on, I will send Him unto you.
Concerning Sin, because they do not believe in me.
Concerning Righteousness, because unto my Father I go away, and no more do ye behold me
Concerning Judgement, because the ruler of this world hath been judged." (V. 7-11)
I'm going to tell a very personal account of my life as an early Christian. When God told me what I was to become through a very well respected Pastor, I was kneeling in worship. I felt his hands on my back and he whispered in my ear, "Grant, I don't know when or where, but you are going to become a Youth Pastor." Not exactly what I expected at that time, as I was a very 'unpopular' teenager among other teenagers. Yet I was excited. So I began to live it out in an enthusiastic way. Youth Trips, youth meetings, Youth conferences, youth this, youth that....it became something I absolutely loved volunteering toward even to this day. (FACT: Anybody who knows me well also knows I'm a teenager trapped in a 28 year old's body. Youth Ministry fits very well.)
Early in my faith, however, there was this hinderance holding me back from my full potential as a leader of any congregation. During this season of my life I had very little, to no confidence in myself. I wanted to be cool, though. So I would listen to the advice and opinions of anybody and believe in it. This is called NAIVE. So many people in this world are seeking something greater then themselves. They need to be shown the love of a God that will never leave us or forsake us. However, there is always a bad seed in every apple. That seed sucks the life out of enthusiastic, young, fresh Christians as I was in those days. They lie and scheme into the hungry hearts of people looking for answers and validation. Here are a few of the several lies that cursed the very essence of my calling as a Youth Pastor:
"Grant, you need to focus on His will for you life. Not your own."
"Grant, God can't accomplish anything in you as long as you're still living a life of sin."
"Grant, I'm not sure what you're called to do, but you're not going to be a Youth Pastor so stop trying so hard. I hope you trust me that I say this out of love....."
These leaders were throwing false, behavior modifying doctrine that was based on the control and manipulation of my heart, my mind, and my soul. How could I follow Jesus' command to love Him with all of those things when they were being distracted with this life-limiting crap? Legalistic ideologies seem so sweet, so welcoming, but it made me sick to the core for a really long time. If a 'Pastor' is saying something, it must be true....right? Wrong. Through maturity, the Holy Spirit, and a lot of study in prayer, I found that these curses were nothing more then a stronghold in my life. I've put them behind me.
Before I go on any further I have to clear something up. The spirit of this writing might carry a sense of resentment or hurt feelings from all of this. On the contrary, I have fully forgiven those who have doubted me, judged me, or questioned my ability as a leader in any sense of the word. I admit that I use to be bitter and hurt because they are what they are: life limiting curses. Words tear down even if it's in the best of intentions. I use strong words like 'crap' because it's a fun word to use. I have a lot of respect and love for anyone who declares Christ as Lord, and these things said to me weren't meant to tear me down, but build me up. Their intentions were right, so I definitely hold nothing against them. I have something against the religion that binds them from freedom.
I've never imagined myself as alone in this world especially in my search for validation. I can only imagine the millions of other people out there that may have even left the church because they never felt 'good enough' to do what God called them to do. Instead, I'm included in a large group of people that felt as if they were held under a huge microscope of being encouraged to live 'above reproach' (Another verse in the Bible twisted to fit the needs of legalistic parasites.) Haunting images of "God is watching" flash through our minds, and then comes the self-doubt. We can't be leaders because of the 'leaders' that condemn us. I've been convicted by the Polo shirt and kahakis that I won't amount to their leadership skills. I would never be as good, or righteous as them. I've been convicted by legalistic standards, and feeling like I'd never 'add up'. A lot of good Chrisitan men would never say it to my face, or even realize they believed it...but.."You're not good enough" is the same as....You suck. Even the cliche saying, "God isn't saying no, He's saying 'not yet'" builds a sense of control between Church leader, and naive church follower. Let us stand up and refuse to allow church leaders to use scripture to manipulate our behavior, dreams, and goals to serve GOD! It's crap.
Then I grew up, and God gave me a reality. Ready for a little bit of radical truth?
The Holy Spirit does NOT convict believers of sin or our inabilities to SERVE HIM, and He definitely doesn't think we suck. John 16, when Jesus describes the conviction of the comforter, He breaks it down into three ways. Non-Believers, Believers, and judgement. Non-believers will be convicted of their disbelief. Believers will be convicted of the righteousness inside of them for the Holy Spirit is in us, and the the Spirit will convict us of judgement, as Jesus was judged first. Did you hear that? We, as believers, are convicted of righteousness. It's not about about you can or can't do. It's about who you are.
As a true believer you died with Christ. The old is gone, the new has come, and the Spirit of Christ literally lives inside of you. To tell you that you aren't 'good enough' is telling Christ He isn't good enough to work through you. I've allowed leaders whom I trusted wholeheartedly to slow me down. I've allowed my heart to fall for the hyprocrisy of congretional leaders to erroneously define what leadership should look like rather than what it really is. Now I know the truth of God's righteousness in me. He's a lion and I'm ready to unlock the cage and set Him free. In love and service wherever I'm needed. I'm ready to not only lead, but to allow Christ to lead through me. Not by the convictions of the people who think I'm 'not good enough' but by the conviction of God's character engrained into my being. His character builds me up to want to lead, serve, and love more. Not 'try' to sin less. If obedience is 'tried' then we are making it about ourselves, not Him in us. THAT is radical belief.
So go out, make disciples. Love others, serve Him. You don't need an ordination from the State of wherever to be a Pastor. You don't need a degree from such and such Christian college to hold credibility. You are baptised in the Holy Spirit, THAT is your credibility. If you're called to Pastor, then go out and Pastor. In conclusion, if someone responds to my calling with: "Um, I think you need to work on yourself..."
I tell them this:
"Jacob cheated, Peter had a temper, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul committed murder, Gideon was insecure, Miriam gossiped, Martha worried, Thomas doubted, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zachhaeus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead. God doesn't choose the qualified, He qualifies the chosen."
NOBODY can tell you that you can't. Because we can do anything in Christ who strengthens us. THAT is Great News.
Young's Literal Version: "But I tell you the Truth; it is better that I go away, for if I don't go away the comforter will not come unto you, and if I go on, I will send Him unto you.
Concerning Sin, because they do not believe in me.
Concerning Righteousness, because unto my Father I go away, and no more do ye behold me
Concerning Judgement, because the ruler of this world hath been judged." (V. 7-11)
I'm going to tell a very personal account of my life as an early Christian. When God told me what I was to become through a very well respected Pastor, I was kneeling in worship. I felt his hands on my back and he whispered in my ear, "Grant, I don't know when or where, but you are going to become a Youth Pastor." Not exactly what I expected at that time, as I was a very 'unpopular' teenager among other teenagers. Yet I was excited. So I began to live it out in an enthusiastic way. Youth Trips, youth meetings, Youth conferences, youth this, youth that....it became something I absolutely loved volunteering toward even to this day. (FACT: Anybody who knows me well also knows I'm a teenager trapped in a 28 year old's body. Youth Ministry fits very well.)
Early in my faith, however, there was this hinderance holding me back from my full potential as a leader of any congregation. During this season of my life I had very little, to no confidence in myself. I wanted to be cool, though. So I would listen to the advice and opinions of anybody and believe in it. This is called NAIVE. So many people in this world are seeking something greater then themselves. They need to be shown the love of a God that will never leave us or forsake us. However, there is always a bad seed in every apple. That seed sucks the life out of enthusiastic, young, fresh Christians as I was in those days. They lie and scheme into the hungry hearts of people looking for answers and validation. Here are a few of the several lies that cursed the very essence of my calling as a Youth Pastor:
"Grant, you need to focus on His will for you life. Not your own."
"Grant, God can't accomplish anything in you as long as you're still living a life of sin."
"Grant, I'm not sure what you're called to do, but you're not going to be a Youth Pastor so stop trying so hard. I hope you trust me that I say this out of love....."
These leaders were throwing false, behavior modifying doctrine that was based on the control and manipulation of my heart, my mind, and my soul. How could I follow Jesus' command to love Him with all of those things when they were being distracted with this life-limiting crap? Legalistic ideologies seem so sweet, so welcoming, but it made me sick to the core for a really long time. If a 'Pastor' is saying something, it must be true....right? Wrong. Through maturity, the Holy Spirit, and a lot of study in prayer, I found that these curses were nothing more then a stronghold in my life. I've put them behind me.
Before I go on any further I have to clear something up. The spirit of this writing might carry a sense of resentment or hurt feelings from all of this. On the contrary, I have fully forgiven those who have doubted me, judged me, or questioned my ability as a leader in any sense of the word. I admit that I use to be bitter and hurt because they are what they are: life limiting curses. Words tear down even if it's in the best of intentions. I use strong words like 'crap' because it's a fun word to use. I have a lot of respect and love for anyone who declares Christ as Lord, and these things said to me weren't meant to tear me down, but build me up. Their intentions were right, so I definitely hold nothing against them. I have something against the religion that binds them from freedom.
I've never imagined myself as alone in this world especially in my search for validation. I can only imagine the millions of other people out there that may have even left the church because they never felt 'good enough' to do what God called them to do. Instead, I'm included in a large group of people that felt as if they were held under a huge microscope of being encouraged to live 'above reproach' (Another verse in the Bible twisted to fit the needs of legalistic parasites.) Haunting images of "God is watching" flash through our minds, and then comes the self-doubt. We can't be leaders because of the 'leaders' that condemn us. I've been convicted by the Polo shirt and kahakis that I won't amount to their leadership skills. I would never be as good, or righteous as them. I've been convicted by legalistic standards, and feeling like I'd never 'add up'. A lot of good Chrisitan men would never say it to my face, or even realize they believed it...but.."You're not good enough" is the same as....You suck. Even the cliche saying, "God isn't saying no, He's saying 'not yet'" builds a sense of control between Church leader, and naive church follower. Let us stand up and refuse to allow church leaders to use scripture to manipulate our behavior, dreams, and goals to serve GOD! It's crap.
Then I grew up, and God gave me a reality. Ready for a little bit of radical truth?
The Holy Spirit does NOT convict believers of sin or our inabilities to SERVE HIM, and He definitely doesn't think we suck. John 16, when Jesus describes the conviction of the comforter, He breaks it down into three ways. Non-Believers, Believers, and judgement. Non-believers will be convicted of their disbelief. Believers will be convicted of the righteousness inside of them for the Holy Spirit is in us, and the the Spirit will convict us of judgement, as Jesus was judged first. Did you hear that? We, as believers, are convicted of righteousness. It's not about about you can or can't do. It's about who you are.
As a true believer you died with Christ. The old is gone, the new has come, and the Spirit of Christ literally lives inside of you. To tell you that you aren't 'good enough' is telling Christ He isn't good enough to work through you. I've allowed leaders whom I trusted wholeheartedly to slow me down. I've allowed my heart to fall for the hyprocrisy of congretional leaders to erroneously define what leadership should look like rather than what it really is. Now I know the truth of God's righteousness in me. He's a lion and I'm ready to unlock the cage and set Him free. In love and service wherever I'm needed. I'm ready to not only lead, but to allow Christ to lead through me. Not by the convictions of the people who think I'm 'not good enough' but by the conviction of God's character engrained into my being. His character builds me up to want to lead, serve, and love more. Not 'try' to sin less. If obedience is 'tried' then we are making it about ourselves, not Him in us. THAT is radical belief.
So go out, make disciples. Love others, serve Him. You don't need an ordination from the State of wherever to be a Pastor. You don't need a degree from such and such Christian college to hold credibility. You are baptised in the Holy Spirit, THAT is your credibility. If you're called to Pastor, then go out and Pastor. In conclusion, if someone responds to my calling with: "Um, I think you need to work on yourself..."
I tell them this:
"Jacob cheated, Peter had a temper, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul committed murder, Gideon was insecure, Miriam gossiped, Martha worried, Thomas doubted, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zachhaeus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead. God doesn't choose the qualified, He qualifies the chosen."
NOBODY can tell you that you can't. Because we can do anything in Christ who strengthens us. THAT is Great News.
Friday, March 2, 2012
They Called Jesus a Heretic, too.
I remember the first time I ever consciously did something 'bad'. I was five years old, living in Ocean Springs, Mississippi. Even then I had a vivid imagination as well as a unique ability to cause mischief with or without knowing it in the process. Whatever I was pretending at that moment isn't necessarily important, but it did include a small baseball bat and my parents car parked in the garage. This was nearly 25 years ago, so the most I can remember is taking a swing at the headlight several times before the crash made me jump out of my skin and run into the kitchen like a silly cartoon character. My mother was there to greet me with a puzzled look on her face. Then my eyes swelled up and I cracked under the pressure of my mom's confusion. "I....I...I broke your car!!!" This was it, I thought it was over for me and my mothers' disappointment would be insurmountable. I don't remember much afterward, but I can imagine it went a little like this.
Mom- (If you haven't met my mother, she loves us kids unconditionally and found it incredibly difficult to be angry at a 5 year old, incredibly adorable me.....and it's still true today.) "Aww, sweetie. Do you think that was good idea or a bad idea?"
Mini Grant- "Bad idea....."
Mom- "And we're going to try not to swing the baseball bat around breakable things anymore. Okay?"
Mini Grant- "Okay mommy. I'm sorry."
Mom- "It's okay. We'll get it fixed. Love you."
Mini Grant- "I love you, too." I nodded in agreement.
Agreement. That's what it came down to. Because of my mother's love for me, an innocent 5 year old boy wearing suspenders and a mickey mouse shirt, she forgave me right away. I agreed with her, because she was kind enough to express that forgiveness, that I shouldn't make a particularly stupid decisions with baseball bats. All of this agreement, love, grace, understanding, and nurturing wouldn't have been possible without the idea of the what triggered it all. My confession. "Mom....I broke your car with the baseball bat." Too bad parents aren't to forgiving these days. Now they just call them A.D.H.D for merely acting like children, dope them up on 'attention deficit' medications, and make them act like zombies. Another blog, another time.
Back to the point. Two blogs ago I briefly spoke of confession. I quote myself: "Confession doesn't mean to cast doubt on yourself, but to cast everything you are, good or bad, into the sight of something perfect." I wrote this well over a month ago and now the idea of confession sticks out to me again. A wonderful, hard working mentor of mine, Paul Donnan, recently gave a sermon regarding True Confessions. Paul Donnan, in case you don't know him, is bold. He's smart. He's unafraid, a true Apostle spreading the message of the actual good news. Not the man made, legalistic ideals that many congregations have added to their 'ways' over the last 2000 years.
"Confession to be forgiven seems right, but it's a work of the flesh. As if Jesus wasn't completely finished...."
"Confession to be forgiven is an extra-Biblical church tradition. Nowhere in the New Covenant do you find a believer confessing their sin to be or maintain forgiveness. It's not in there."
Bold. And true. Before any of the Pharisee Freds start screaming 'heresy!', allow me to use an example from Paul's sermon and a couple illustrations of my own to explain wonderful phenomenon called Confession and Forgiveness. What it meant back then, and what it means now. Prepare for contextual clarification. Your mind will be blown.....
Pastor Paul reminds us of Christ hanging on a tree with two men. One on each side. First one will challenge Him. "If you're as powerful as you say you are, then free us from this tree...." Then the other says something to the other criminal. Paraphrased..."Don't you fear God? We deserve this punishment because what we did. This man is innocent." Then he says to Jesus, "Remember me, Lord! In your Kingdom!" To me, this guy didn't even expect to get to heaven. He didn't expect salvation. He didn't expect the way Jesus would respond. He didn't even confess to Jesus, He confessed to the other guy.
"Today....you will be with me in Paradise."
Woah. Keep this in mind as well, a few moments before this took place I do recall the Lord had also stated, "Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they do..." Interesting. He asked the Father to forgive them as they were STILL mocking Him. Nobody had confessed. Nobody had recited 'the Lord's prayer to salvation' (which is also NOT found in the Bible, but I'll touch on that later. Keep reading.) and He was STILL forgiving. This is Love. Do we see the light, yet?
Let's look at some parables and New Convenant stories:
The Adulteress in the Gospel of John - No Confession. He asked, "Where are the ones that persecute them? Now go and sin no more."
The Prodigal son - There was a confession, but you would notice right away that the Father in the parable never asked for it. He never asked his son to confess. In fact, the Father's heart was filled with compassion when the son was still far away. When the prodigal son says, "I'm sorry..." the father was too busy telling his servants to start throwing a party to even listen to his son's confession.
Even the lost sheep in Luke 15 it says that even if one were to go astray, the Shephard will search that sheep out. Do you really believe that the sheep will have to ask for forgiveness before the Shephard puts it over His shoulders and takes it back to the other sheep? Don't you think He's busy rejoicing that He found you? This is love.
I like this one. You have a child learning to ride a bike. They promise you that they're ready to do it on their own and they won't fall. You let go and let them independently pedal as far as they can. Then they fall over. As a parent, what do you do? Do you run over right away for the sake of the child's safety and security? Or do you wait for them to confess and say that they are sorry they fell off the bike even though they promised they wouldn't?
Anyway....I'm going to go build a snowman. PEACE!
Mom- (If you haven't met my mother, she loves us kids unconditionally and found it incredibly difficult to be angry at a 5 year old, incredibly adorable me.....and it's still true today.) "Aww, sweetie. Do you think that was good idea or a bad idea?"
Mini Grant- "Bad idea....."
Mom- "And we're going to try not to swing the baseball bat around breakable things anymore. Okay?"
Mini Grant- "Okay mommy. I'm sorry."
Mom- "It's okay. We'll get it fixed. Love you."
Mini Grant- "I love you, too." I nodded in agreement.
Agreement. That's what it came down to. Because of my mother's love for me, an innocent 5 year old boy wearing suspenders and a mickey mouse shirt, she forgave me right away. I agreed with her, because she was kind enough to express that forgiveness, that I shouldn't make a particularly stupid decisions with baseball bats. All of this agreement, love, grace, understanding, and nurturing wouldn't have been possible without the idea of the what triggered it all. My confession. "Mom....I broke your car with the baseball bat." Too bad parents aren't to forgiving these days. Now they just call them A.D.H.D for merely acting like children, dope them up on 'attention deficit' medications, and make them act like zombies. Another blog, another time.
Back to the point. Two blogs ago I briefly spoke of confession. I quote myself: "Confession doesn't mean to cast doubt on yourself, but to cast everything you are, good or bad, into the sight of something perfect." I wrote this well over a month ago and now the idea of confession sticks out to me again. A wonderful, hard working mentor of mine, Paul Donnan, recently gave a sermon regarding True Confessions. Paul Donnan, in case you don't know him, is bold. He's smart. He's unafraid, a true Apostle spreading the message of the actual good news. Not the man made, legalistic ideals that many congregations have added to their 'ways' over the last 2000 years.
"Confession to be forgiven seems right, but it's a work of the flesh. As if Jesus wasn't completely finished...."
And my favorite quote of the whole entire sermon.....
"Confession to be forgiven is an extra-Biblical church tradition. Nowhere in the New Covenant do you find a believer confessing their sin to be or maintain forgiveness. It's not in there."
Bold. And true. Before any of the Pharisee Freds start screaming 'heresy!', allow me to use an example from Paul's sermon and a couple illustrations of my own to explain wonderful phenomenon called Confession and Forgiveness. What it meant back then, and what it means now. Prepare for contextual clarification. Your mind will be blown.....
Pastor Paul reminds us of Christ hanging on a tree with two men. One on each side. First one will challenge Him. "If you're as powerful as you say you are, then free us from this tree...." Then the other says something to the other criminal. Paraphrased..."Don't you fear God? We deserve this punishment because what we did. This man is innocent." Then he says to Jesus, "Remember me, Lord! In your Kingdom!" To me, this guy didn't even expect to get to heaven. He didn't expect salvation. He didn't expect the way Jesus would respond. He didn't even confess to Jesus, He confessed to the other guy.
"Today....you will be with me in Paradise."
Woah. Keep this in mind as well, a few moments before this took place I do recall the Lord had also stated, "Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they do..." Interesting. He asked the Father to forgive them as they were STILL mocking Him. Nobody had confessed. Nobody had recited 'the Lord's prayer to salvation' (which is also NOT found in the Bible, but I'll touch on that later. Keep reading.) and He was STILL forgiving. This is Love. Do we see the light, yet?
Let's look at some parables and New Convenant stories:
The Adulteress in the Gospel of John - No Confession. He asked, "Where are the ones that persecute them? Now go and sin no more."
The Prodigal son - There was a confession, but you would notice right away that the Father in the parable never asked for it. He never asked his son to confess. In fact, the Father's heart was filled with compassion when the son was still far away. When the prodigal son says, "I'm sorry..." the father was too busy telling his servants to start throwing a party to even listen to his son's confession.
Even the lost sheep in Luke 15 it says that even if one were to go astray, the Shephard will search that sheep out. Do you really believe that the sheep will have to ask for forgiveness before the Shephard puts it over His shoulders and takes it back to the other sheep? Don't you think He's busy rejoicing that He found you? This is love.
I like this one. You have a child learning to ride a bike. They promise you that they're ready to do it on their own and they won't fall. You let go and let them independently pedal as far as they can. Then they fall over. As a parent, what do you do? Do you run over right away for the sake of the child's safety and security? Or do you wait for them to confess and say that they are sorry they fell off the bike even though they promised they wouldn't?
Many congregations don't even realize the true context of the word 'confession'. Confession, as written in the original Greek writings, was 'Homologio'. Literally, this means 'to profess the same thing as another.'
....to agree.
Let's go through 'Confession' in the New Testament.
Luke 12:8-9 "Everyone who confesses (agrees) me before men, so The Son of man shall confess (agree)...."
Romans 10:9-10 "If you confess (agree) with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart....you shall be saved." (Nothing about sin.)
1 Timothy 6:12 "Timothy made the good confession (Agreement with the Holy Spirit) in the presence of many witnesses..."
Romans 14:11 "Every tongue will confess (agree) that Jesus Christ is Lord."
James 5:16 "Confess (agree) your faults to one another."
Acts 19:18-19 "Many of those who had believed kept coming, confessing (agreeing on), and disclosing their evil practices."
NONE of these verses say anything about sin, but everything about the identity of God. Except for one....
1 John 1:8-10 "And if we confess (agree) our sins, God is just to forgive us."
1 John is an amazing book. It's also one of the most mysterious. There is a lot of debate as to who this book is addressed to. This is the tricky thing about the Bible. It's written to many different types of people. Not just believers. Many scholars would say the first two chapters of 1 John were written to a Gnostic church developing in Asia. The more I learn about the Gnostic belief system, the less mysterious 1 John becomes. Chapter 2 opens with "My children..." Why would John call gnostics 'children'? Well, I'm pretty sure even today an atheists unbelief isn't powerful enough to exempt him from being a child of God. God is faithful to that which He created. Despite who anybody is, or what anybody is, the Breath of God is in their creation, not just the 'nice people' that go to church every Sunday. We are all Children of God. John knew it, too. What a loving guy.
We can also justify this by the opening of the chapter when John states, (v3, 4) "...and which we have seen and heard declare we to you, that ye ALSO may have fellowship with the Father and His son Jesus Christ; and these things we write to you so that your joy may be full.." (Young's literal translation) And then in 1 John 2:20 it's directed back to believers when it says, "but you who have the anointing of the Holy One..." Dig deeper into what the early Gnostics believed then read 1 John. It will definitely make a difference in 1 John.
We could also reiterate the meaning of the word sin in 1 John 1:9 as well as a verse in James that's been brought to the attention of this blogger. James 5:19-20 encourages Christians to retrieve turned away *sinning* Christians and to save their souls. Paul even considers himself 'chief of sinners'. So can a Christian still have 'sin' in their life or can't they? Depends on the context of the word 'sin' in the particular verse.
I could go through all of the definitions of sin, (9 Hebrew/6 Greek translations and definitions) and the context of each one, but this blog is long enough. I can save that subject for another blog, as well. Until then, whether aimed at Gnostics or believers, the context of sin in 1 John 1:9 is translated to 'missing the mark'. To me, that translates to 'not living to your potential in who you are in Christ. Christ in you can do greater things than this'. Which, if I was told that by a church leader, I would feel encouraged. I would be in 'agreement' with God that I'm better then this. There's no condemnation in that verse. No implication of Confession, so I return to the point. Confession is not necessary for salvation. It's just not in there.
Then we can bring the Lord's Prayer into this. "Forgive us our sin as we forgive those who sinned against us." This is also an incorrect context of the verse. The original greek translation, (Not the King James version, which was modified for the purpose of controlling society back in the day) says 'forgive us our DEBTS as we forgive our DEBTORS.' Once again, nothing regarding sin. Debt was translated from the greek term 'opheile' which mean "That which is owed..." Nothing concerning salvation, or confession.
Dear reader, please don't get me twisted. I love confession. Confession is a GOOD THING. We should confess (or agree) with God on what He says about us. We are justified (Romans 5:1), So the Grace of God is poured out in the truth of what He says, not what the legalistic church community says. It's not about how 'bad' I am, it's about how good God is in me. When the Holy Spirit convicts, He convicts you not of your sin which was taken care of 2000 years ago, but your identity of righteousness living in you. Christ in you.
Last but not least....I'm going to share my feelings with "The Prayer to Salvation." I'm sorry, but this has always left a bad taste in my mouth. Even since I was a 15 year old kid on his knees in a Baptist church in Wiggins, Ms reciting it for the first time. Thank GOD for feeding me the meet of the actual Gospel. I always wondered why, when Jesus told Peter "Follow Me!" he never said, "But first tell me everything you've done wrong and then we can go..."
The prayer of salvation is legalistic crap developed by Billy Graham in the 50's and it needs serious modification. I've NEVER led someone in the Lord's prayer because it never felt correct. I use to be ashamed, but because of the knowledge I've gained by careful study, I'm glad. When someone is told to pray this prayer, they are left with a curse that opens up the potential to second guess themselves. "What if I wasn't sincere?" or "What if I was never saved?" It opens a door of control between the leader and the led. It's manipulative and it's mind control.
We are to confess (agree) that Jesus is Lord, to believe what He did for us in our hearts, then we will be saved. Then we are commanded to Love our God with our whole heart, mind, and soul. Avoiding sin, or bad decisions, or mischief, or missing the mark, or whatever you want to call it, is a natural reaction to that belief, that love, and that understanding of the cross. Knowing that IT IS FINISHED, and there's no to do list to maintain your salvation. Metanoia (repentance) will occur as a result of your love for God. It is FINSHED really means, it is finished.
Anyway....I'm going to go build a snowman. PEACE!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
LOVE
Happy Valentines Day.
ALSO KNOWN AS SINGLES AWARENESS DAY!!! : )
Yay. Romance is in the air. Kind of a ridiculous holiday, really. Let's show our significant other how much we love them once a year. Really? The evolution of man is a false conspiracy to make intellectuals feel smarter. Devolution is the reality here. Now we have to be reminded of our capability of romance and Chivalry because some lonely guy got his head chopped off a thousand years ago. Not cool at all. I'm not only saying this out of the cynicism of my own singleness, but on behalf of all the hopeless romantics out there shaking their heads at the silliness of this hallmark holiday.
Moving forward, I figured the most suitable subject for this blog would be LOVE. Love is the antidote for the poisoned minds of the bitter and broken hearted. Love is the compass that explains the essence of my being. Love is the answer to which I know that regardless of where we came from or how life began, that there is something greater, stronger, and way more powerful then the things we merely see with our eyes. Love is an expression that we should all show no matter what day of the year it is. Regardless of the who you are, every human being is hardwired with the consciousness of Love's existence. Sadly, not everyone has experienced it but they are as sure as the sunlight that it's present.
ALSO KNOWN AS SINGLES AWARENESS DAY!!! : )
Yay. Romance is in the air. Kind of a ridiculous holiday, really. Let's show our significant other how much we love them once a year. Really? The evolution of man is a false conspiracy to make intellectuals feel smarter. Devolution is the reality here. Now we have to be reminded of our capability of romance and Chivalry because some lonely guy got his head chopped off a thousand years ago. Not cool at all. I'm not only saying this out of the cynicism of my own singleness, but on behalf of all the hopeless romantics out there shaking their heads at the silliness of this hallmark holiday.
Moving forward, I figured the most suitable subject for this blog would be LOVE. Love is the antidote for the poisoned minds of the bitter and broken hearted. Love is the compass that explains the essence of my being. Love is the answer to which I know that regardless of where we came from or how life began, that there is something greater, stronger, and way more powerful then the things we merely see with our eyes. Love is an expression that we should all show no matter what day of the year it is. Regardless of the who you are, every human being is hardwired with the consciousness of Love's existence. Sadly, not everyone has experienced it but they are as sure as the sunlight that it's present.
THREE TYPES OF LOVE
1. EROS (conditional love)
Ahhh, yes. The mushy, gushy kind of love that so many people dream of. This is the most commonly defined type of love between two individuals. It's romantic, erotic, (notice the correlation between 'eros' and 'erotic'?) The type of love that is constructed not only by our emotions, but our very own physiology. Hormones send off signals to the brain and these 'feelings' begin to emerge. The heart, mind, and soul react. Palms get sweaty, thoughts become jumbled, words become stuttered. Then either the wedding bells ring or the restraining orders are signed. Either way, the romance is in the air. It's a selfish kind of love. Nothing wrong with this but one must be cautious. It's as beautiful as the view from the highest mountain, but as dangerous as the fall if you step to close to the ledge. Some of us are still falling.
Ahhh, yes. The mushy, gushy kind of love that so many people dream of. This is the most commonly defined type of love between two individuals. It's romantic, erotic, (notice the correlation between 'eros' and 'erotic'?) The type of love that is constructed not only by our emotions, but our very own physiology. Hormones send off signals to the brain and these 'feelings' begin to emerge. The heart, mind, and soul react. Palms get sweaty, thoughts become jumbled, words become stuttered. Then either the wedding bells ring or the restraining orders are signed. Either way, the romance is in the air. It's a selfish kind of love. Nothing wrong with this but one must be cautious. It's as beautiful as the view from the highest mountain, but as dangerous as the fall if you step to close to the ledge. Some of us are still falling.
2. PHILOS (Brotherly Love)
Compassion for your fellow man is hard to find when you have little compassion for yourself. Philos love is found in the heart of loyalty and friendship. It's the type of love that's built between neighbors, friends, co-workers, comrades, best friends. To look out for one another. To love someone as you love yourself. Completely relational and rational in every way.
3. AGAPE (Unconditional)
The good stuff. So completely unconditional and unwavering. The only type of love that can be found through forgiveness, mercy, and grace. To constantly put someone before yourself without wanting anything in return is the selfless act of Agape. It's what happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object. It's the type of love that is achieved by overcoming the barriers of hurt or rejection. It's indestructible.
Love can be defined easily, but to accomplish any of these classifications takes work. Throughout my travels I've met so many different types of people, but one thing does remain consistent. The hurts, regrets, and heartaches all look the same. Bitterness is a disease that hinders the ability to feel love. To feel love, to have love, to know love is to know freedom. To let go of the past and to know that there is nothing wrong with you. The key to unlocking the spirit of any type of love is forgiveness. The ability to let go. I have several friends who are single this Valentines Day, and they hate it. Listening to the lies of loneliness whispering in their ears.
"Everyone else has someone to celebrate Valentines Day with." Lies.
"I'm still single. There has to be something wrong with me." Lies.
"I don't care, it's just a stupid holiday..." Lies.
Saying "I don't care...." is equivalent to saying "I don't want to hurt anymore." You're single because you're single. There may not be a deeper meaning to your self proclaimed plight. So keep your chin up, put a big fat smile on your face, because right now....at this very moment, someone is thinking about you whether you like it or not. Stop listening to your emotions and listen to your reality. Someone out there loves you. And even though you 'feel lonely' doesn't always mean you're alone.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Religion Can't Unclog This Toilet
Sometimes I find myself victim of my own craziness and I remember the golden rule of 'treat others as you'd want to be treated'. A slap to the forehead is appropriate every now and then. My mouth is merely a shovel and I'm digging a hole. This is the most ignorant part of me, that I treat others in a negative way. Then when they come back with my own nonsense, I make myself the victim and wonder why. Aren't we all a bunch of hypocrites? There's a handful of us who have no filter, the inability to think before we speak. Then when someone bites back as a result to our own fierce bark we're completely astounded. Perhaps this is the result of a confidence issue. Too much confidence is a common flaw found in all of the men on my Dad's side. Then when someone puts me in my place with my own sword, I freeze up. Similar to an adult handing an infant a graham cracker, God hands me my own world and I crumble it up on my own. Then I get mad at God the same way a child would be upset at their parent. When will any of us grow up and realize that we are responsible for ourselves? This is the human condition, we feel as though others should be held responsible for the way our lives have turned out, and this is sad. Most things in my life, I brought upon myself because I refused to put down the shovel out of my ignorance.
.....but what do I know?
I'm as stubborn as a mule. If Jesus would have sat on my back and rode into Jerusalem on my shoulders, I wouldn't have moved very easily. Why? Because I don't listen very well. Not to my own advice, especially. Like a clever politician I know all the right things to say and how to say them, yet it's very rare I follow through with them. What do you call wisdom with no execution? Foolishness. Perhaps there's some sort of hurt within everyone that gives them the inability to look into their own lives instead of constantly pointing fingers at others. Perhaps when we look at our own lives we don't want to change anything because we don't think we should. The brain hates change. To psychologically disassociate yourself from a bad behavior, a habit, a dependency on something negative in your life is like moving a mountain. Yet we've been told by wise men influenced by the heart of our Creator that, with faith the size of a mustard seed, it's apparently possible. Faith the size of a mustard seed is in direct correlation of motivation, willpower, and ability. Too many people in this world don't believe in any of those things. They think it's pointless to try because of how much hurt they feel. I know there have been times I've stared into the abyss of a broken heart and believed there to be no hope. Some would even venture to believe there is nothing wrong with them and there's nothing they need to change for themselves. It's the world around them that needs to change. How can the world around you change if you don't change yourself first?
If I'm not perfect, then none of us are. Then again, we beat ourselves up too much. Imperfection doesn't always necessarily mean 'wrong'. Religion teaches us to beat ourselves up when we make a bad choice. Then Pharisee Fred turns around and calls it repentance. To beat yourself up and then change. Confession doesn't mean to cast doubt on yourself, but to cast yourself and everything you are, good or bad, into the sight of something perfect. Repentance is only executed by the realization of Love and who He really is and then the result of this realization is the great mind shift. Metanoia is the Greek translation of the word repentance. To change the mind. (Who knew Grant knew Greek?) It's not 'change your mind to how awful of an individual you are and how gracious God is'. It's not about how bad we are, it's not about us at all. I'm sick and tired of hearing this crap about us needing to change our characteristics but completely ignoring God's characteristics. It's all about how awesome Love really is. Not how pathetic we are. But hey, if you want to beat yourself up into this world of 'woe is me' go right ahead. Be careful, though. You could self righteously exhaust yourself into the lies of depression and not feeling 'good enough'. I would know what that's like.
I look at the above statements about love, but sometimes I sing a different tune because I can be pretty hateful. Sometimes this hurt that's within me makes me forget about my own change of mind. I'm so inconsistent with my beliefs and my actions that it brings me to a point of disbelief in where the validation of my existence really lies. The root of this problem has nothing to do with bad behavior itself, but the cause. It's like a clogged toilet. When the crap comes out and makes a mess, where do we tend to look? The poop or the pipes? It's a matter of the heart. The nonsense that comes out of our mouths isn't necessarily the issue of what's going on. It's the heart behind it. Hurt people will hurt people. Clogged toilets will cause messy floors. Something is clogged, something is broken, something needs to be replaced. Who's the real hero, though? Me? For trying to use a plunger and temporarily fixing the problem? Or the plumber that digs deep into the issue with his own shovel.
So I put down my shovel every now and then, and I let the expert use his. Sometimes I just have to sit still and let the Plumber take care of all the crap that's clogged up inside of me. Thank God, because I refuse to try to fix me, myself.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Nice Guy vs Good guy
Many moons ago in a land far away..... I was a nice guy. This self proclamation of 'nice guy' has become the label characterized by the overexertion to win a girl's heart. Forcefully placing himself in the 'friend zone' to show off his excessive, and premature ability to support her every want and need. Today I can observe this sad state of mind from outside the box, and think to myself, "Was I really that pathetic?" In truth and honesty, I was. I use to believe the opposite of nice guy is of course 'mean guy'. Bad guy. Hard ass. Douche bag. The jerk. The guy that treated women like they were objects instead of people. The guy that always seemed to get the girl. So if you weren't the nice guy, you were the mean one. Wasn't that the only other option? Either be the 'good guy' or the 'bad guy'. I continued in my 'nice guy' ways until I finally saw the bigger picture.
Being a 'good guy' is completely different then being the 'nice guy'. In fact, the opposite of nice guy IS 'GOOD GUY'. Being nice isn't necessarily 'good'.
Here's my explanation.
It's all about the motives of the heart. Who are you? What do you want? Why do you want it? What are you willing to do to get it? As a former 'nice guy', I know first hand the amount of effort it can require to showing a girl how much I was interested in her. It was all about me. I would open up so much of myself that her head would begin to explode, and eventually it became too much. Shining so much light on myself is like a mental megaphone in her brain making her run for safety. My desire for her was based on selfishness, and I was willing to do anything I could do to manipulate her to get what I wanted. Even if that meant being the 'super nice guy'. Honestly, the nice guy is a mental rapist violating her mind with special attention.
We all have wants and needs at different levels of life. Mind the difference between the two. Want is a desire that will enhance life and provide satisfaction whether long term or short term. NEED is completely different. We need the basics. Water, air, food, clothes, shelter. Things we need are things required for physical survival. The NICE guy usually gets these confused and doesn't know what he needs or wants. It's just a blurr. I've been there. I know. What causes this? Wishful thinking. Putting a girl on the pedestal of your heart, convincing yourself that's she's much more than what she is. She just a girl, dude. Guess what. Girls poop, too. As well as wipe their butt. Not so infatuating anymore, eh?
Don't get me wrong. I love women. They deserve to be respected, loved, and cherished. Open their door for them, pull out their chairs, hold their hand, twirl and dance with them. Listen to them intently. Treat every woman like a princess, because one will eventually become your Queen.
The one thing that separates the nice guys from the good guys, or the boys from the men, is the condition of their heart. As young children we are the center of the universe. We didn't know what or who else was out there except for what we could congnitively gather. We carry very little knowledge about anything besides what we see, hear, or touch. As we grow older, we grow a little bit wiser. As a grown man I've realized that I am no longer the center of the universe. When you see others the way you use to see yourself, when you begin to see their needs as clear as your own, your attitude begins to change. Maturity sets in. You become a little bit more content.
Being the 'nice guy' places a manipulative pressure on the girl's shoulders.....not nice at all. The one way you can pick a 'nice guy' out of the crowd is by their reaction to rejection. Stomping their feet, running away, becoming depressed or angry because he lost the game he never had a right to play. Boohoo. Dear nice guy, there is one word that sums up the difference between you and the actual 'good guy'. SINCERITY
Slap in the face. Listen, nice guys. If you have to whine and act like a little whimp because you didn't 'get the girl' only makes you look dumb. Your excessive attempt at winning her over with your so-called 'niceness' was in vain. You might as well just lay on the ground and literally allow her to walk all over you and assume it's not going to hurt. If you're looking to gain some sort of validation by an act of kindness, than it's not really kindness in it's purest form. There's a line between selfish and selfless.
You may say, "But I open the door for her, I buy her drinks, I send her flowers..."
Okay, that's great. Good guys do that, too. Good guys LOVE spoiling the nonsense out of his date. The difference between the nice guy and the good guy is motive. Did the nice guy actually WANT to do those things? Or did they feel like they had to in order to impress her? As the good guy, I WANT to be chivalrous and expect nothing in return. That's the difference. I want to put a smile on a girl's face because it's the right thing to do. Your expectation should turn from selfish to selfless. You'll find a lot more contentment by thinking, "What can I do to make this person happy right now?" rather than "What can I do for this person right now to make me happy later?"
Some nice guys would go as far as proclaiming their unending love for said girl.
I've been in love. I'm a self proclaimed hopeless romantic. I believe in random acts of kindness for a girl I'm interested in just for the enjoyment of her smile. I also understand the most undeniable characteristic of love. Selflessness. Understand her standard of desire is also just as much (if not more) important than yours.
An article written by a man named Newton Fortuin wrote the best quote ever, "Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss." BRILLIANT. If you love a girl, it's okay to persue her! Tell her how you feel! If she rejects you, it's for her best interest, not yours. You should be okay with that. Cultivate her by giving her what she needs. Which is probably space. A lot of nice guys can be quite clingy. I know I was.
The good guy works like this. He puts others before himself, especially when it comes to the people he truly loves. Family, friends, even enemies. I know PLENTY of girls I've emotionally invested myself into. Several of them I moped over for months. What a waste of time! I believe in heartache. Last time I actually fell in love it took me a year to let it go. Because I was the nice guy. I felt as though I deserved something back for my investment.
Another way to contrast 'nice guys' from 'good guys' is the initial reaction to rejection. Nice guys are emotionally exhausted, and they easily become depressed. Why are they exhausted? Because they tried too hard. Sure, I've had high hopes for a lady and became disappointed. I've ask girls out on dates and sometimes they say yes, sometimes they say no. Every now and then, depending on the girl and the circumstance, I can become disappointed because I hoped for better. Nevertheless, I've already recieved validation in who I am. Just because I wanted to take a nice girl on a date doesn't mean I needed to date her. Life can be just as good without.
Conclusion: Stop exhausting yourself by trying too hard. There's more to life then the girl (or guy) that you can't stop thinking about. I know I've really aimed this article at the 'nice guys' of the world, but this can also apply to women, as well. Just because you're being 'nice' doesn't make you the best choices for that individual. Just because you've put yourself into the 'friend zone' doesn't make you the best choice to date. In fact, I think I just discovered the next chapter of my blog. The infamous 'friend zone' and what I think of it. Until then, stop being nice and just start being good.
Being a 'good guy' is completely different then being the 'nice guy'. In fact, the opposite of nice guy IS 'GOOD GUY'. Being nice isn't necessarily 'good'.
Here's my explanation.
It's all about the motives of the heart. Who are you? What do you want? Why do you want it? What are you willing to do to get it? As a former 'nice guy', I know first hand the amount of effort it can require to showing a girl how much I was interested in her. It was all about me. I would open up so much of myself that her head would begin to explode, and eventually it became too much. Shining so much light on myself is like a mental megaphone in her brain making her run for safety. My desire for her was based on selfishness, and I was willing to do anything I could do to manipulate her to get what I wanted. Even if that meant being the 'super nice guy'. Honestly, the nice guy is a mental rapist violating her mind with special attention.
We all have wants and needs at different levels of life. Mind the difference between the two. Want is a desire that will enhance life and provide satisfaction whether long term or short term. NEED is completely different. We need the basics. Water, air, food, clothes, shelter. Things we need are things required for physical survival. The NICE guy usually gets these confused and doesn't know what he needs or wants. It's just a blurr. I've been there. I know. What causes this? Wishful thinking. Putting a girl on the pedestal of your heart, convincing yourself that's she's much more than what she is. She just a girl, dude. Guess what. Girls poop, too. As well as wipe their butt. Not so infatuating anymore, eh?
Don't get me wrong. I love women. They deserve to be respected, loved, and cherished. Open their door for them, pull out their chairs, hold their hand, twirl and dance with them. Listen to them intently. Treat every woman like a princess, because one will eventually become your Queen.
The one thing that separates the nice guys from the good guys, or the boys from the men, is the condition of their heart. As young children we are the center of the universe. We didn't know what or who else was out there except for what we could congnitively gather. We carry very little knowledge about anything besides what we see, hear, or touch. As we grow older, we grow a little bit wiser. As a grown man I've realized that I am no longer the center of the universe. When you see others the way you use to see yourself, when you begin to see their needs as clear as your own, your attitude begins to change. Maturity sets in. You become a little bit more content.
Being the 'nice guy' places a manipulative pressure on the girl's shoulders.....not nice at all. The one way you can pick a 'nice guy' out of the crowd is by their reaction to rejection. Stomping their feet, running away, becoming depressed or angry because he lost the game he never had a right to play. Boohoo. Dear nice guy, there is one word that sums up the difference between you and the actual 'good guy'. SINCERITY
Slap in the face. Listen, nice guys. If you have to whine and act like a little whimp because you didn't 'get the girl' only makes you look dumb. Your excessive attempt at winning her over with your so-called 'niceness' was in vain. You might as well just lay on the ground and literally allow her to walk all over you and assume it's not going to hurt. If you're looking to gain some sort of validation by an act of kindness, than it's not really kindness in it's purest form. There's a line between selfish and selfless.
You may say, "But I open the door for her, I buy her drinks, I send her flowers..."
Okay, that's great. Good guys do that, too. Good guys LOVE spoiling the nonsense out of his date. The difference between the nice guy and the good guy is motive. Did the nice guy actually WANT to do those things? Or did they feel like they had to in order to impress her? As the good guy, I WANT to be chivalrous and expect nothing in return. That's the difference. I want to put a smile on a girl's face because it's the right thing to do. Your expectation should turn from selfish to selfless. You'll find a lot more contentment by thinking, "What can I do to make this person happy right now?" rather than "What can I do for this person right now to make me happy later?"
Some nice guys would go as far as proclaiming their unending love for said girl.
I've been in love. I'm a self proclaimed hopeless romantic. I believe in random acts of kindness for a girl I'm interested in just for the enjoyment of her smile. I also understand the most undeniable characteristic of love. Selflessness. Understand her standard of desire is also just as much (if not more) important than yours.
An article written by a man named Newton Fortuin wrote the best quote ever, "Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss." BRILLIANT. If you love a girl, it's okay to persue her! Tell her how you feel! If she rejects you, it's for her best interest, not yours. You should be okay with that. Cultivate her by giving her what she needs. Which is probably space. A lot of nice guys can be quite clingy. I know I was.
The good guy works like this. He puts others before himself, especially when it comes to the people he truly loves. Family, friends, even enemies. I know PLENTY of girls I've emotionally invested myself into. Several of them I moped over for months. What a waste of time! I believe in heartache. Last time I actually fell in love it took me a year to let it go. Because I was the nice guy. I felt as though I deserved something back for my investment.
Another way to contrast 'nice guys' from 'good guys' is the initial reaction to rejection. Nice guys are emotionally exhausted, and they easily become depressed. Why are they exhausted? Because they tried too hard. Sure, I've had high hopes for a lady and became disappointed. I've ask girls out on dates and sometimes they say yes, sometimes they say no. Every now and then, depending on the girl and the circumstance, I can become disappointed because I hoped for better. Nevertheless, I've already recieved validation in who I am. Just because I wanted to take a nice girl on a date doesn't mean I needed to date her. Life can be just as good without.
Conclusion: Stop exhausting yourself by trying too hard. There's more to life then the girl (or guy) that you can't stop thinking about. I know I've really aimed this article at the 'nice guys' of the world, but this can also apply to women, as well. Just because you're being 'nice' doesn't make you the best choices for that individual. Just because you've put yourself into the 'friend zone' doesn't make you the best choice to date. In fact, I think I just discovered the next chapter of my blog. The infamous 'friend zone' and what I think of it. Until then, stop being nice and just start being good.
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