Major League Dating

THE DATING GAME

Oh yeah.  Most of us have ventured into this world.  Where we completely lose ourselves in this social enigma of  wishful thinking, ridiculous expectations, and very awkward, uncomfortable situations.  The pressure really begins when it seems like all of your friends are getting married, or they have a significant other.  You find yourself in this 'third wheel' situations more times then not.  You begin to constantly compare your life to couples, or maybe to the erroneous images Hollywood love stories and 'happily ever afters' etched into your brain.  You may even find yourself to the point where you're snuggled up with a pillow in the fetal position, tears rolling down your cheek wondering "WHY, GOD, WHY!?!?!?"

If this Dating Game were an Olympic Sport, I'd probably be a Gold Medalist.  Maybe in the special Olympics, but gosh darn it I'd be confidently professional even in a retarded kind of way.  I've reached a point in which I can usually see right through the other person.  I'm like a mind reader.  You can only go on so many dates before they all become transparent.  In fact, most people who 'date' can probably sit in a pub and separate the 'players' from the spectators.  It's not difficult.  Seeing that the dating game is comprised of two leagues, the Major Leagues and the Minor Leagues.

MAJOR LEAGUE DATING

"Social Scenes, like bars and such"

Honestly, I don't believe I've EVER been in a bar or a nightclub without this cliche feeling of everyone having the intention of finding someone.  Go to a nightclub, I guarantee that you'll see more people with 'finding someone' on their minds then just the idea of relaxing and 'having fun' with no intentions.  The contrasts of the two, if you pay close enough attention, is ridiculously obvious.  The former have hopes that someone will 'like' them enough to show them some attention.  At least that's what most singles would ideally like to have.  Nothing wrong with wanting attention.  It's human design to want to be with someone.  However, if you're looking for love it's not very often you find it at a bar or a nightclub.  The latter is REALLY relaxed.  They smile the entire time, and their eyes don't wander.  They're just enjoying the moment.

To the Men: the majority of single women that go to bars want one of two things.  Attention and free drinks.  It's safe to say that 90% of them have NO intention of going home with you the first night they meet you.  So deal with it.  Besides, any woman that will go home with a guy the first night she meets him is probably not worth it.

Women:  Hate to break it to you, but not every guy at a bar that talks to you wants to take you home.  So you don't have to constantly worry.  I laugh when a woman drops the B/F bomb in mid-conversation.  Full of yourself much?  Honestly, there's this HUGE erroneous stereotype that most men go to bars to take a girl home.  Maybe in college that type of thing is more common, but if you're 25 or older, get over yourselves.  If you catch me in a pub I'm probably looking at the sports highlights on the big screen, goofing off with friends, or joking around with the bartender.   Not every man wants to see you naked.  Deal with it.  Besides, any man that is willing to take you home and objectify you the first night he meets you isn't exactly Prince Charming.  However, if you're into that kind of thing.....birds of a feather flock together, among other things.  So if you usually find yourself going home with someone the first night you meet them, I won't judge. Just make sure you see the doctor on a regular basis.

  Like most sports, there is a strategic element in play.  Men looking to meet a nice girl in any social situation WILL NEVER walk into the game without a wingman.  This is a team sport, people.  Rely on your friends for good judgement.  Especially if alcohol is in play.  Women are a little bit more tricky.  They don't usually use their friends as a reference to their behavior, or taste in guys. They'll use them to look good.  It's pretty often noticed that a female player will walk into a social setting with a less attractive, or fatter, friend.  Start paying attention, I promise you'll see it.  For some reason, it's usually sports bars.  Go to one, find a table with two girls.  One skinny, one fat.  It happens all the time.

  Like most athletes in most sports, there is a routine.  For instance, Ryan Braun steps up to the plate.  He will fix his glove, fix his sleeve, then his helmet right before every swing.  (Helmet?  At least he used one form of protection in his activities. Bahahaha....too soon.)  With dating, there's a routine.  The female walks in (usually in front of said ugly friend), avoids eye contact with every male yet takes notes, not of what they look like.  They have other priorities besides physical attractiveness.  Such as the clothes they wear, and the drink they have in their hands.  Why?  Money.  Women love guys that spend money.  Guys that spend large amounts of money on themselves are bound to be stupid enough to spend money on the girls.  No lie.  The 'at bat' routine for guys will usually make an obvious scope around the room.  Possibly pointing out every single cute girl he can see, taking a mental note.  If one makes eye contact with him, which she probably won't, he's going to do the chin flip.  Oh yes.  The chin flip.  So full of "what's up? I'm full of crap" that it makes a port-a-potty on the fourth of July look clean.

MINOR LEAGUES

On-Line Dating

Okay, I have friends who are into online dating, and I was for a short time as well.  Just because I call it MINOR LEAGUE does not take away the value of the sport.  I love internet dating.  I have friends getting married soon that met on Christianmingle.com  I've also met wonderful friends this way!  The reason we call it  'minor league' is because it's the route that the less experienced daters take.  This is the only sport in the world you CAN play in both the minor league, AND the major league.  That makes you an MVP.  Whether it's someone's first year in college, or maybe someone that just went through a divorce or got out of a really bad relationship, it's a comfortable alternative to put yourself out there.  In internet dating, you have complete control of how you perceive yourself.  No wonder it's such a growing fad!

 I've discovered something about online dating that is rather disappointing from a male perspective.  Most women dating online have no intention of meeting someone.  In fact it's safe to say that 90% of the female profiles on internet dating websites have this quote, "I'm just doing this out of curiosity" which mean "Online dating is really creepy to me, so I'll probably never meet you but I'm really just wanting guys to email me and tell me how hot I am."

And the men in online dating.  Most of them are creepers, or they just don't have the confidence to try to properly network their way into a relationship except by the convenient means of button clicking.  Almost EVERY SINGLE PROFILE in online dating is edited over and over again by its owner.  Worried that it might be 'scaring people away'.  Or maybe it was just me.  All in all, I felt just as pressured on the internet as I  do in real life social scenes.  Still requiring me to wear a mask and live up to this erroneous expectation that usually leads to disappointment later on in a serious relationship.

REJECTION AND THE TRUTH IT TELLS

     Rejection can suck.  It makes you feel like you're 'not good enough' for that one person that rejected you.  It's something I dealt with a lot in college, and it really destroyed my confidence until recently.  I received a huge piece of advice that I pay about $60.00 an hour for.  You're getting it for free.   There is one ugly, honest little truth that needs to be realized when it comes to being dubbed as 'not good enough' for that one person.  It's true.  You're not good enough for them.  Regardless not being good enough for someone doesn't mean I'm not 'good enough' for anyone.  Are you REALLY going to let the opinion of someone that barely knows you affect you to the point of depression?  I did at one point.  It's not worth it.  It doesn't take away how valuable you are to those that love you most. Look at it from a ratio.  For every person that's ever rejected you, there are likely 10 people who love you just the way you are.  When it comes to seeking love, or relationship, I follow Billy Shakespeare's advice. I'm true to my own self.  I am who I am and confidence is key!  I don't have to change myself to impress anybody and neither do you!  If you're secure in who you are, then you don't have to walk into a bar hoping a guy hits on you, or a girl will go home with you.  I wrote about this in the previous blog, and I'll write it again.  THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!

All in all, when it comes to dating, and relationships, and 'finding that special someone', take off the mask.  Enjoy the things you have and even greater things will come!  I'm a testament to this!  The Bible even proves it, "Look for heaven first, and everything will fall into place".  Find contentment in the way things are now.  If you aren't happy being single....then you're never going to be happy.  Stop listening to Hollywood love stories, and listen to the reality of your life, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, AND loved.  Approach the true realization of what it means to 'be yourself'.  To be yourself, you have to love yourself.
  You'll never go wrong.  =)

"There Is Nothing Wrong With You"

      It's Christmas Eve as I write this, and in the spririt of he Holiday Season the warm fuzzy thoughts of peace and good will toward men race through my head.  The older I get the closer I come to the realization of the potential we all have to spread a little love and cheer.  Most people in this broken world need to know that they are loved.  Regardless of whatever 'issues' they may have.  There are those that also believe the opposite.  They're perfect and they don't have any issues, which is a huge issue in itself that they aren't even aware of.  This is a selfish way of thinking.  I would know, as I am a master of excuses.  Through excuses I have the ability to create the momentum of casting blame on others.  Someone caused hurt in my life which made me 'act' in a particular way.  Therefore I'm innocent AND I'm the vicitim.  I use to think this way until I realized that there is NOTHING wrong with me, at all.  I'm by no means perfect and I can improve in several areas of my life.  I still have issues, insecurities, things I wish could be different.  Don't you?  Yet, even in these issues we all, is there anything really 'wrong'?  In fact, I would go as far as saying the defects of my life are just right.  They mean something, and I can use them for some type of good. 

Some would even go as far as saying that they 'deserve' better.  Wealth and money may be the most desired object, I'm sure of it.  Everyone wants more money, wouldn't you agree?  There's nothing terribly wrong with having dreams of financial prosperity.  Although the love of money is the root of all evil, it's still okay to 'like' it and enjoy the money you have.  I'm not ashamed to like money.  More is nice too.  Yet, if I lost the control of that like and it becomes more of a love, or an obsession I'm on a crash course with discontentment.  The people that constantly want more and say they 'deserve' a raise, or they 'deserve' to win that million dollar lottery seem very discontent to what they already have.  If they did win the lottery, if all of their bills were paid, if they were wealthy beyond reason it their 'I want more' attitude is evident that they still wouldn't be happy.  They'd have something else to complain about. 

So here's the point.  There's nothing wrong with you.  There's nothing wrong with your life.  Some parts might suck, and you might want more every now and then.  You feel as though you're empty until it's filled with that one thing.  Whether it be more money, a rich boyfriend or girlfriend, fancy clothes, a nice car, etc etc .  However, you'll never get what you want until you're content with what you have. 

Hate to get cliche, or weird, but there's more truth to 'Jesus loves you' then you tend to believe.  Just because some people are pissed off at the world doesn't necessarily mean God is pissed off at them.  Because He's not.  God can't deny Himself and being made in His image, He can't deny you.  It's not in His nature.  When you REALIZE how real He is and how much He loves you then that discontentment sizzles.  Many churches claim God is mad at you and the only way for Him to stop being mad at you is to believe in Jesus.  Until then, God is going to make your life a living Hell.  Just to clear things up just believing in Jesus hardly means a difference.  Even the devil believes in Jesus.  Second: Some people tend to stereotype God as an old man sitting on a cloud, ready to throw a lightening bolt at you everytime you make a bad choice.  Controlling you and making your life hell.  Here's a dose of reality.  God isn't making your life a living Hell, you are.  Take this as a potential mind shift.  When you realize how awesome God is, you realize how awesome you are because you're a reflection of Him.  

PSALM 23 says, "The Lord is my shephard, I lack nothing."  First it identifies who God is as a sheppard.  Feeing you, protecting you, keeping you from harm.  The outstanding momentum to the realization of the 'lack nothing' mentality'.  If everyone had this 'lack nothing' mentality then this world wouldn't be so broken.   If abusive husbands, communist leaders, drug lords, rapists, crooked politicians.....if they all realized that they lacked nothing, what would this world be like?  Can you imagine the chain of events that would happen if the 'lack nothing' mentality was as contagious as the common cold?  The changes that could be made.  We can only dream of such a perfect world.  

This is the meaning of Christmas.  The Lord is our Sheppard, we lack nothing.  It's about an out of this world King that brought Himself to our level of existence in this life from the next.  Not just to suffer, not just to prove who the Father is, .  I'm not going to promise you that there aren't things about your life that don't suck.  I'm not going to paint a pretty little picture about issues that you might be struggling with and candy coat it with 'it's going to be okay'.  Yet, just because life sucks sometimes doesn't necessarily mean you have to suck all the time.  You lack nothing.  When you realize that, you gain everything.  The lack nothing menatlity doesn't make your problems go away, but they make them SO much easier to deal with.

All in all, this world is becoming more and more depressed.  The root of the situation is the decline of self-worth.  Families are being broken, suicide rates continue to rise, depression is common place.  At the same time the idea of God, faith, and religion is becoming less appealing.  I wonder if there is any direct correlation?  I'll definitely continue to write on that subject later.  Until then, if you're feeling like you aren't qualified to do anything with your life stop comparing yourself to the self-righteous and start comparing yourself to Biblical characters.  Check this out:

"Jacob cheated, Peter had a temper, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul committed murder, Gideon was insecure, Miriam gossiped, Martha worried, Thomas doubted, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zacchaeus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead.

God doesn't choose the qualified.  He qualifies the chosen.  Don't be so hard on yourself, you don't lack anything.  Everything is as it should be.  Serving it's own purpose in this world.   MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Empowered by Forgiveness

A sermon I just experienced on YouTube made me want to dig.  Then God handed me a HUGE metaphorical shovel.  This is the revelation of Grace, and of God, and of Forgiveness which continues to expand itself into my life consistently, and relentlessly.  I'm not meaning to get preachy.  However, I live in a broken world where people feel like the subject of  "GOD" is awkward.  This might be a result of negative experiences or exposures to religion.  For this, I'm sorry you went through that.  However, God is a God of grace, love, and comfort.  I apologize that you were forced you to go to church as a child, or maybe some crazy fanatic forced sin and condemnation down your throat.  I hardly blame those to be afraid of religious imposition.  Regardless, if you continue to read I assure you I'm not forcing you to read, but perhaps you're drawn to these conclusions?  Only you can answer that.

  Allow me to crack my knuckles and turn my iTunes up.  I write better that way.  

Interesting that I'm writing to the sweet sounds of Nirvana's "Come as you Are". 

John chapter 8 says this coming from The Message.

"Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again.  Swarms of people came to him.  He sat down and taught them.  The religious scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery.  They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery.  Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons.  What do you say?"  They were trying to trap Him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. 
   Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt.  They kept at him, badgering him.  He straightened up and said, "the sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."  Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt. 
Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest.  The woman was left alone.  Jesus stood up and spoke to her.  "woman, where are they?  Does no one condemn you?"
"No one, Master."
"Neither do I," said Jesus.  "Go on your way.  From now on, don't sin."

          So here we have Jesus, the Man witha plan.  The ultimate preacher.  When we're introduced to Him in this chapter we notice something very unique to His character.  Something that separates Him from our our common preachers or religious leaders.  It's almost the polar opposite characteristic of an "Open Air Preacher" that you would see on a street corner or a college campus.  You know who I'm talking about.  Flailing the Bible around screaming at passers by about sin, hell, repentance, and the wrath of God?  Yeah, Jesus wasn't really like that.  Sure, He flipped a couple tables in His day but with pretty good reason.  I mean, thieves were in His Father's house.  I'd be pretty upset, too.  Regardless, this is just another day for Jesus.  It even says in every translation that He "sits down", and people approached Him.  No calling or billboard signs for this guy.  No info-mercials for infinite wisdom or salvation.  Jesus shows up and people approach the guy?  Wow.  Kind of makes me wonder what it was about Him that drew people to Him.  Was Jesus 'seeker friendly'?  Hmmm.  Well, He certainly wasn't putting an effort into scaring people out of hell.  He seemed kind of calm and collected.  The kind of guy I can cast my anxieties upon.  At least that's what I notice not only through scripture, but just my relationship with Him.  The way He speaks to my heart is so.....awesome.  Jesus is the one being in existence that I'm not intimidated by.  Sure, there's an underlying fear, but not the 'oh I'm scared' fear.  More like a fear based on respect, honor, and love.  Don't get me wrong, Jesus is no big softy that tells me what I want to hear.  He's a comforter, and He's a teacher.  He disciplines me, but He doesn't have to yell at me to get His point across.  It's the kind of discipline that proves His love for me.  What motivates obedience and discipline?  Keep reading.

If anyone were more irritated by this crazy traveler they call Yeshua, it was the religious.  I find it amusing when a religious person becomes irritated when I speak of Grace and Love from my King.  It's affirmation that Jesus lives within me.  Or how about when Hollywood offends Christians by making movies like "Saved!", "The Davinci Code", or "Harry Potter".  Then Conservative Connie gets all up in arms and writes whoever it is she writes to about how she's a concerned mother and doesn't want her children to be exposed to these 'abominations' in movies.  Maybe Hollywood is more Christlike then we thought?  Or maybe not.  Oh yeah, to the conservative Connies of the world, if you're concerned about the kids why not waste that energy on serving at a Childrens burn center?  You'll get more done, I promise.  Hollywood isn't going to stop making movies that offend you.   

Back to the point....

Many theologians make the mistake by assuming this woman in John 8 is a prostitue, however the scriputre never describes her as such.  All we know is it's a woman caught in the act of adultery.  2000 years ago, caught in the act of adultery could have meant a lot of things.  Yet the passage, if read carefully enough, you would notice that the scribes were plotting to trap Jesus so they could charge Him with a crime.  The woman may not of even been guilty in the first place!  They asked Him a simple question.  "We caught this woman red-handed doing something that is punishable by death.  What do you say, Jesus?  Should she be killed according to the law of Moses?"  Still keeping His cool, Jesus did something I ABSOLUTELY LOVE!!!  Something I wish I could do more often.  He thinks before He speaks.  What came out of His mouth next blew them away.  One at a time, in fact.  Beginning with the eldest.

"He who is without sin, cast the first stone."  Wow.  Cryptic, yet insightful. 

So after they all left, it is the basic understanding that the woman was standing there alone with Jesus.  Just the two of them.  I chuckle as I write that.  Jesus was alone with a girl?  In some churches, that's a questionable situation for a male leader to be alone with a female even in a public place.  Shouldn't they have someone there for accountability?  Oh dear.  Sounds like potential for pointless Church Drama.  Jesus should be asked to remove Himself from ministry because of such conduct.  The idea of a male and female being alone together is shunned by the 'you can never be too careful', life-limiting congregations that destroy the essence of Grace.  Sure, it's something we should be aware of, and to discern cautiousness is wise.  Yet, the intense ideas of strict behavior modification supresses the potential freedom and confidence we have in Christ.  Such situations as a guy and a girl going out for coffee as friends can be blown way out of proportion.  This leaves a bad taste in the mouths of unbelievers and believers such as myself.  Another subject, for another time.

Here's the Cherry on top.  The whole entire climax of this story is in the beautiful words of a loving messiah.  This is my JESUS, this is the King of Kings.  What He does next is why I love Him so much.  Jesus asks a question that He very well knows the answer to, but in order for the woman to better understand the situation, He wants her to answer it for herself.  He asks, "Where did they go?  Did anybody sentence you?"  When she says, "No, sir" I can only begin to imagine the overwhelming joy that came upon her.  Probably brought her to tears.  Then Jesus says, "I don't condemn you, either.  Go and stop sinning." <----look at the order in which He said that.

So many times the idea of forgiveness is taken out of context, in which Forgiveness loses its meaning.  Today's modern pulpit will tell someone under reproach for questionable conduct, "Sin no more, and you will be forgiven."  However....Jesus says, "You are forgiven, go and sin no more."  Here's the difference. The Lord offered forgiveness, and freed her from condemnation before He commanded her to be obedient.  Forgiveness is an unearned empowerment making us capable of fleeing from sin.  Persuing the very idea that WE are forgiven.  That's true repentance.  (That's going to be a fun blog to write.)  Forgiveness has the power to free us from condemnation, and to motivate us toward God.  How awesome it is that we are free from our transgressions by the forgiveness of Christ and not by our own effort to 'be good'.  Forgiveness motivates us toward doing what is good, and what is right.  We don't have to exhaust ourselves trying to earn something we've already been given freely.  THAT is good news. 

To write or not to write.....

For years I've been writing.  Nothing serious, just a hobby.  It's fun to collect my thoughts then to bleed them out onto paper, or screen in this case.  I think I've been planning on writing a book for almost a decade and every time I make the attempt I fail to follow through.  It wouldn't difficult, though.  Consistency is key and I'm definitely lacking it.  I've definitely seen a lot, even at the youthful age of 28.  I'm always going to feel young, though.  Maybe I'm lazy?  Or just waiting for the right moment, or subject to write about.  So....of all of my experiences throughout life what is there to write about?  I mean, hasn't it all been done before?  Are there any fresh ideas to be had?  Will my story be identical to another person's?  Or am I a unique design living out a completely new thing?  Usually, when I begin to write, I stop because I begin to doubt myself.  So many ideas and thoughts going through this brain, though, is killing me.  It's exhausting.  As if my head is going to explode.  I could write about comedy, love, laughter, sadness, God, Marriage, faith, hate, hypocrisy, fast food, candy barts, my childhood, animals, plants, mountains, National Parks, Chicken, okra, personal ads, dating, diamonds, caves, crystals, waterfalls....to many things to write about.  So......I'm going to write.  About everything.  And I'm not afraid, which I believe is the things that stops me most.  Fear.  Yet it's my dream to write.  To be published, for people to see my words and hear my mind.  Then again, what do I have to lose except the time that continues ticking?  If I don't write, I lose my mind.

"Fear can't hurt you anymore than a dream."  -Williams Golding, Lord of the Flies